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So, lately I've been skipping school a lot. I mean, out of two weeks I've missed five days, that's half.
My dad lately noticed how much I refuse to go to school, so he's thinking of transferring me to another catholic school in the area.
I mean, I hate being at Carter for a number of reasons; main one being I always think and see my ex, and it ruins me. Makes me want to ask him back, but I know he's already over me. But I'm not for him, psssh.
Another being every ones spreading rumors about me. Fucking Steven, those bitchy girls that hate me for some reason, and whoever the fuck is against me-yes that includes Anthony. I'll kill that homo bitch one day.

Anyways, long story short I'm pretty fed up with this school. It could just be from how I've been feeling lately-what with the whole suicidal thing and such- but still, I've had enough. And I'm sick of chasing after my ex. I want to get over him, I mean I'd rather have him but he refuses to let me try and be with him again, so you know what? Screw everything. It'd be a mess if we got back anyways, what, with his whole 'you crowd me too much' and all that stuff. Like, c'mon, TELL ME SOONER.

So yeah. Also I told my Therapist about my suicidal ness lately. She wants me to be hospitalized again, but I refuse. She wants to pull me from school not to put me into a full time mental wellness center. Yeah, weird.. I see her tomorrow to talk more on it. We'll see what happens then.

Besides that, I could care less about most things. I got in a fight at work and quit, FINALLY.
I have to go get my final paycheck this Friday. Meh, that'll be exciting. Hopefully fucking Maria's not there or I'll rip her fucking head off.

So yeah. I don't know whats been going on lately but I'm a mess. My dad's kinda mad at me, but he's learning to ignore it. As he said, 'it's her problem if she messes up her future now'.

Now for a song I'm obsessed with:

"Don't Trust Me"

Black dress with the tights underneath,
I got the breath of the last cigarette on my teeth,
And shes an actress (actress),
But she ain't got no need.
Shes got money from her parents in a trust fund back east.
T-t-t-tongues always pressed to your cheeks,
While my tongue is on the inside of some other girls teeth,
T-tell your boyfriend if he says hes got beef,
That I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fucking scared of him.

She wants to touch me (Woah),
She wants to love me (Woah),
She'll never leave me (Woah, woah, oh, oh),
Don't trust a ho,
Never trust a ho,
Won't trust a ho,
'Cause a hoe won't trust me.

X's on the back of your hands,
Wash them in the bathroom to drink like the bands.
And your setlist (setlist),
You stole off the stage,
Had red and purple lipstick all over the page.
B-b-b-bruises cover your arms,
Shaking in the fingers with the bottle in your palm.
And the best is (best is),
No one knows who you are,
Just another girl alone at the bar.

She wants to touch me (Woah),
She wants to love me (Woah),
She'll never leave me (Woah, woah, oh, oh),
Don't trust a ho,
Never trust a ho,
Won't trust a ho,
'Cause a hoe won't trust me.

Shush girl shut your lips,
Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips.
I said, Shush girl shut your lips,
Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips.
I said, Shush girl shut your lips,
Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips.

Woah, woah, woah...

She wants to touch me (Woah),
She wants to love me (Woah),
She'll never leave me (Woah, woah, oh, oh),
Don't trust a ho,
Never trust a ho,
Won't trust a ho,
'Cause a hoe won't trust me


Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
future_hope
Nov. 23rd, 2009 02:22 am (UTC)
Concerned
Hi,

I found your posting when I Googled that song. I know it's not my business-but I really felt scared for you after reading your post.

I have been there-and done that. I was in Jr High-and the world was crashing in-just one friend-guy I liked didn't want me- and my feelings for him got POSTED in the SCHOOL NEWSPAPER. Let's just say I was miserable. I didn't see a way out.

But here's the weird part- I FOUND a way out-by myself. I DECIDED that I wanted better-that I WANTED to LIVE-that no one was going to take what was rightfully mine-MY LIFE.

I decided-and I got what I wanted. I quit Junior High-got my GED-then went straight to COLLEGE-where people act much more normally than in Middle school or High School-trust me.

After college-I got a decent job-so I would never have to rely on my parents or anyone. I got my LIFE BACK.

And suddenly-I wasn't as depressed anymore-I didn't cry every day anymore-I wasn't a wreck anymore-I felt secure and happy for the first time.

And I found guys that made me HAPPY-I never thought that there would be anyone else that I could want in my life-but I was wrong-that REALLY surprised me-I WISH I had known that while I was spending literally years of my life wasting away over someone who didn't want me.

If you haven't stopped reading yet-I just want you to know-what I WISH SOMEONE would have TOLD ME-back then-when I was in your spot-feeling REALLY bad-let me just be clear-that I have been through EVERYTHING that you listed in your blog-everything-and worse.

What I wish someone would have told me-is that there IS a way out-that you DON'T have to feel this way for the rest of your life-and that the way out is INDEPENDENCE-you have NO idea how GOOD that feels-to be your own person.

It is not an easy or quick fix-but if you tough it out-get to college-or get some other career-gain POWER through competence-through ability-you feel a peace that you never thought possible.

I have been through tough times-but NO ONE and nothing can take my knowledge-my intelligence-my degree. I could lose every penny and every friend-and I could pick myself up and start over-no one and nothing can destroy me. And THAT is peace of mind and confidence and happiness and freedom that you can have- through work and study-not glamorous-but it WORKS.

I hope this helps you somehow.

PeAce
ANN :-)

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